Aug.4.2010 at 10:00 am | Alix B. Golden
Where is my wife?
I’m 32 years old. Despite the fact that I don’t look it, it is my reality.
I have been engaged. I have been called wifey and wife (and there is a difference). I have been given rings. I have purchased one ring…But look at me now. I’m single.
I have crushed. I have fucked. I have loved. I have moved. I have sacrificed. I have hurt. I have recovered…But still I’m single.
And while there is nothing wrong with being single, I can’t help but think I’m too old for this shit.
Where is my wife?
When my last girlfriend spoke of us getting married, I told her I didn’t want to be engaged. I just want to be married. Don’t promise me forever and not fulfill it.
*thinking* I can’t remember one person I have ever referred to as my spouse. When I was engaged to him, I did not call him my husband. I walked around with the ring on my finger and a bridal book in my bag and still he was not my husband. The word fiancee exists because being engaged and being a spouse is not the same.
I have had eight girlfriends. And all eight of them have discussed marriage with me. All of them. Even the ones I didn’t see forever with, saw forever with me…
But still I’m single…
…At 32..
*sigh*
Where is my wife?
*raises hand
*giggles*
*squeals*
what is it about these damn texas (specifically houston) women? im too crunk for yall!!
you didn’t know..everything is bigger in Texas! Even HEARTS!
Thank you…and best wishes to you and yours!
Awww!!! I am so excited for you two!!!
Thanks, SweetT!
I love your posts. I’m a Kenyan lesbian aged 25. I first read your stuff on mambargirl. I write too i’m not a writer but it’s the only way i get to express myself. Go on girl. You’re the best.
My, my, my…
Hey DD! *giggles*
Tra la la, love is in the air!
You know I’m sitting over here pouting like a kid brother should. but….yea yea yea love is in the air hehe. What I will say sis, is that there’s a reason he and those other eight did not work out. That reason may very well go by the name Billie Simone. When you’ve found her….you’ll know. If not, I’ll know and then I’ll tell you.
I am just discovering this site and I really love the writing.
Thanks!
Alix,
Your wife is there. Before you meet her, be okay with what is. Perhaps you could look at and “feel” being single differently. Meet and date and serenade you for a while. And just maybe, when you aren’t anticipating her, she will be standing there, gazing in your eyes.
You are right where you are, wonderfully, divinely, for a reason. Meditate on that reason(s). Could this be your season for walking with Alix and yet Be-ing Golden?
Why can’t it be ok to be 32 and single? Is marriage a dream “goal” we are socialized to desire? By a certain age? Why? Good topic for married and single friends, huh? Are their married folks out their gazing over the fence, pining over their single friends’ freedom? Hmmmm. Just wondering alond. I’ve been married. There are times I fathom it overrated! But that is another blog.
Sweet hugs,
TheGoldenGoddess
Claudia, did you see the date on the post? I’m practically married now…lol