Aug.2.2010 at 10:00 am | Alix B. Golden
Simply Enough
On another post Kat asked: What are your thoughts on what those of us on this side of the story should do? Do we hide our accomplishments (just kidding)? Do we miss out on really great people by only dating ones that have completed the same check boxes and had the same life experiences (which sounds kinda dull)? How do we help the person we’re dating to feel like they are enough simply by being who they are?
The post that prompted these questions has to deal with career and finance, but I think if we get down to it, the real question is the final question: How do we help the person we’re dating to feel like they are enough simply by being who they are?
In any dating situation, there is the possibility the person you’re with may not feel up to par. Maybe she’s short and she knows you’re used to dating giants. Maybe she’s thin, but she knows you prefer someone thicker. Maybe she’s not a scholar, but you’re a brainiac. Maybe she’s the first of another race. Maybe her hair is really short. Maybe…
Like I said, it could be anything…
How you help depends on if the problem with you or with them.
If she’s short and you’re lusting after supermodels…You’re the problem.
If she’s thin and you drool over T & A…You’re the problem.
If she’s white, and you’re always talking about how pretty brown skin is…It’s all you.
Of course these examples might be a bit obvious, but my point is that you never really know how people are going to take what you say. In those situations, you are the problem because you are an inconsiderate ass. If you praise something or speak favorably about something that your girl obviously is not, you are to blame for the insecurities she has. It’s not rocket science. If you’re in a relationship with someone, you know what they don’t like about themselves. In most cases, you can figure those things out rather quickly. You simply have to watch your words.
If she’s short and she compares herself to a smurf…She’s got issues.
If she’s thin and has researched every type of implant…She’s got issues.
If she’s white and compares her skin unfavorably to milk…It’s all her.
When the problem is in her head, there is nothing you can do to make her believe that she is enough. That’s something she has to work on. And more than likely she’ll be more successful working on it alone. It’s hard to get yourself together when you can’t put yourself and your own needs first.
So Kat, if you’re in a relationship with a woman that doesn’t have a degree and she feels like she isn’t enough, you can encourage her get a degree. Tell her how smart you think she is. Stroke her uneducated ego. If she starts to make you feel bad for having a degree, drop her ass. *shrugs*
Yes, my little smurf puppy!
Kinda like the opposite of Clifford, the big red dog. I’ll be the small blue puppy, lol
Very good points.
Thank you, CJ
“Stroke her uneducated ego. If she starts to make you feel bad for having a degree, drop her ass. *shrugs*”
Hilarious!!!
Knowing what you want from your partner is very important in situations like these. If you are unsure, she will be unsure. I met a girl recently who I knew right off would not give me what i require mentally. So we won’t ever cross those lines. However, when you have someone that you cherish and admire everything about her, feel free to say it all the time. Girls will be girls and if they feel unsure it will turn into a huge conspiracy. I recently shared with someone a song that I thought expressed how much I never wanted her to doubt herself in my life. Here’s the link. And if you have someone like this…share it with her…she’ll appreciate it so much.