Mar.3.2010 at 10:00 am | Alix B. Golden
Love Without Expectations
Original Post Date: June 2, 2009
I stepped away from writing about anything that felt too personal, for a variety of different reasons (none of them relevant to this post). I was then reminded I started this blog to get the personal stuff out so that I can go on and deal with life, so here we go…
Falling in love has never seemed to be a problem for me. I relish the feeling, the excitement of loving someone new. You see sunshine when it storms, you see light in shadows. It’s a permant state of euphoria. The highest high. I inhale, taking it deep inside me, relishing it’s warmth.
I say the words nervously. I love you. Not with the normal fears. I don’t wait for a response, I pray for silence. If the sentiment is returned, thats when I get scared.
I’m more comfortable loving someone than being loved in return. I know what it means for me to love someone, even if it’s in that first stage of blossoming love, I still take it seriously. It means devotion, adoration. It means comfort, trust. It means honesty, a future. That’s what it means to me.
But I don’t know what it means when someone says it back.
Love is one of those things that everyone does differently. How one person does it, isn’t the same as another, but it’s no less right…
But how do I know that I will be loved the way I need to be? How do I know that the word means the same thing to me as it does to you?
I don’t.
I expect things from people that claim to love me, so I’d prefer if the words were never said. I’d prefer not to have the expectations.
It’s the expectations that aren’t met that causes the pain, so if I don’t have expectations, I can’t get hurt.
Right?
Maybe I should figure out how to love without expectations.
“Love is one of those things that everyone does differently. How one person does it, isn’t the same as another, but it’s no less right…”
This is so true, I have many problems accepting this, even in just friendships I need to realise that what being a friend means to me is not necessarily what it means to others.
Hiiii, Bianca! I love that you touched on friendships. It’s true. Everybody nurtures all types of relationships differently…Thanks for stopping in…
I am a lover in every sense of the word. So I can understand that euphoria in just loving someone and everything that comes along with it. It has gotten me into trouble though sometimes. It wasn’t until I stopped expecting love to happen and told myself I was on a sabbatical from it that I actually found something worth hanging onto. Hence, Love Without Expectations.
.-= Dani A´s last blog ..I’m Dani A =-.
You found something worth hanging on to?
ummm huh? did i say that? i meant might be worth hanging on to?
you somehow managed to sum up my thoughts in one blog… this was honest, and sincere and being a lover of love as well i empathize since i have been there and done that. I hope you find peace in love, giving it freely with no inhibitions and allow it.. to swing back like a boomerang.
Pro
Wait until you read tomorrow’s post.
Yall are gonna hate me…
I definitely relate to this post. You know exactly what you mean when you say those words to someone. But there is no real understand of what it means when someone else expresses that emotion to you.
I certainly believe that expectations breed disappointment and heartbreak. However, if that person claims to have the emotion of love.. You can show them how you want to be love and express what your expectations for love are…… Hopefully with that, they are able to provide you with what you need.. and deserve.
.-= Much2Inspired´s last blog ....and I quote! =-.
Did you peep into my post for tomorrow? Your comment sounds like something I’ve already written…
I usually explain this situation this way:
Let’s say love was “ranked” on a scale of 1 to 10.
Then every person gets two numbers: One for how much love they NEED and one for how much love they can GIVE.
If your numbers are 7 (need) and 8 (give), and Lil Monkey’s numbers are 5 and 4, you aren’t gonna jive that well. You’re going to have to decide if a 5 is enough and she’ll have to deal with you being a little clingy. But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you as much as she possibly can….or as honestly as she can. It just means you need more than she can give.
I hope that makes sense. I really do. But don’t think you’re alone. I think my numbers are both 9s. That’s really hard to match!
*walks away grumbling about numbers and women*
Savi
I’m normally good with numbers, but now I’m feeling like I need a math tutor…lol…
Besides this post isn’t about the Lil Monkey. See the original post date…
I love the simplicity of your numbers theory (it reminds me of the 5 love languages). Both my numbers are 9′s and it is, indeed hard to match. Luckily, my girlfriend’s a 9-9 and we get along very well. However, most of the women I’ve dated in the past were high-need/low-give and the relationships suffered because of it. I think the discrepancy can be overcome if both parties are committed to making it work.
.-= Blue´s last blog ..Are girls drawn to “bois” who resemble their dads? =-.
how come I understood when you said it? I bet you’re a great math tutor…
Actually, I was quite the math tutor… lol!
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[...] was asking whether or not her having standards causes her to be disappointed. She actually asked: It’s the expectations that aren’t met that causes the pain, so if I don’t have expectations, I… This is my [...]