Feb.16.2010 at 9:04 am | Alix B. Golden
The Consequences of Dating A Writer
The biggest consequence of dating a writer is that they will probably end up writing about you. You may find a character that reminds you of yourself, or a situation might sound like something you went through. Now if you get mixed up with a blogger, that’s an entirely different story…
One of my exes is a blogger. I visited her blog recently. I don’t know why because this woman single handedly destroyed my self esteem. It is my intention to discuss the words she’s written about me, but I feel that I need to give a little bit of background…
She was not the kind of girl I usually dated. She was more feminine. More corporate. More clean cut. More judgemental. More political…I could keep going.
She looked great on paper. Multiple degrees. Six figure salary. Homeowner. Great smile. Great body.
We were together a couple of months before being with her started to drain me. I didn’t like how her face would scrunch up in disgust at overweight people. I didn’t like how she judged people based on their: career, car, living conditions, hairstyle, clothing, etc… I didn’t like how every negative thing she said about other people somehow seemed to reflect back on me. I’m sure she didn’t do this on purpose, but its how I deciphered it.
Things went downhill for me. She bounced. Said that our lives were heading towards different paths. It hurt, but I thought she was right. So imagine my surprise when just a few days later, she wanted me back. I didn’t understand how this would work, especially since I was already excited about new booty. I kept her around and let her prove how we could work.
It was over 3 months before we got back together. When people ask why we got back together, I often blame it on music. We went to various different concerts together and I swear with every concert we felt closer. I don’t know if it was the shared experience or if it was the love of the artist/music that made us think we could make it, but something had hypnotized us into believing it would work.
We were happy…until I got robbed. Once again another blow to me. I couldn’t figure out how to pick myself back up. I didn’t know what to do, how to proceed. She kept asking me what my plan was. She kept asking what she could do to help. And in the end, I had to lean on friends to help me figure out what my next move should be and how to execute it.
I was in a position with her where she wanted me to ask for help, but at the same time, she wanted me not to need the help I was asking for. I was in a no win situation. I asked to end things. She refused. I was stuck, but I wasn’t going to fake the funk. I waited for her to figure out that things weren’t going to work.
It took her awhile, but finally she did. I shed tears that day, but part of me believes it was less about heartache and more to do with being free.
When we broke up, I asked her to stop visiting my blog. I didn’t believe she actually would, so I closed that blog down and created A Brown Girl Gone Gay. I knew that she would be writing about me, so I stayed away as long as I could before curiosity creeped in. She was writing about me and it wasn’t so nice.
Recently, I visited her blog and I went through it and read the posts she wrote about me. I laughed at some of them. Especially the ones that are bad, just because the person she writes about sounds like someone so different from who I am, but it could’ve very well been the person I was while she and I were together.
When I talk about her with the Lil Monkey, I have a hard time explaining why I was with her. I knew we weren’t compatible. I knew we got along much better as friends, but I committed to her when I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to give her the best me I could. I had no motivation to be good to her. I didn’t care to do nice things for her (outside of cooking & giving her regular orgasms). I didn’t care to open up to her. I never allowed myself to become vulnerable with her. I wasted my time…
This is longer than I intended. Tomorrow’s post will be actual excerpts from her blog.
its interesting how other people view you relative to how you view yourself. i am inclined to believe that in a relationship with things begin to go sour none of the parties have a clear view. but then ofcourse, some folks don’t believe their shit stinks so they will never admit to any wrong anyway!
glad you’ve moved with someone whom you care for and love and who really deserves you!!!
.-= tami´s last blog ..Untitled… =-.
“but it could’ve very well been the person I was while she and I were together.”
Has me thinking…
Wonder what people would write about me if people who knew me well had blogs AND how much of myself would I really see in what they wrote.
HMMM…
.-= ASmith´s last blog ..Forever =-.
It was hard to watch, and since it’s the only relationship of yours I really DID get to watch, I can’t really know how it compares to others, from the outside. (By hard to watch, I’m certainly not indicating that you didn’t look damn cute together!)
But from what you say, and from the amount I knew you before that relationship, it did seem out of character, and I’ve always thought that was due to how vulnerable you had become during your long stint without work. The last straw was probably when your car was stolen, making you all the more dependent on others. I think your ego was increasingly battered, to the point where, unconsciously, you thought the only way you could feel powerful and in control again was to attach yourself to someone who was powerful and in control, at least on paper.
Now bring on her damn blog!
Your blog has been nominated for a Lezzy Award! Blogs can only win one category so please let your readers know which category to nominate you in.
You currently have nominations in the following categories/category: Lifetime Achievement Award.
If you feel one or more of these categories doesn’t suit your blog be sure to review all 11 categories and let your readers know which one to nominate your blog for!
For more information on this years awards visit: http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/the-lezzies/
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..The Lezzy Award Nominations Begin Today! =-.
You know this made me think about all the people I’ve written about.
Riiiight! Words are powerful…
You’ve got me curious about what it might mean to date a writer or a blogger. Several of the women who intrigue me currently are sensational with a pen, their words beautifully powerful, evocative. Asmith has a thought there.
(laughing softly inside)
Am inquisitive about what they would say about me…
I think you ought to place Miss Mama in one of your short stories and provide a bit of poetic justice for her. Perhaps take something of all the things she has AWAY and see how she’d bounce back if she were in your position.
Love the long posts!
She’s got a really strong personality. Basing a character on her would be easy.