Oct.5.2009 at 4:19 pm | Alix B. Golden
Romance & Finance
I am used to being the person in a relationship that had it semi-together. I was the one with the steady (and bigger) paycheck, with the real grown up kind of job with growth opportunities…etc, etc… Having that behind me allowed me to do things for my other half like pay a bill or two…Or random surprises or trips…Simple things that showed my appreciation.
Anyone that has ever been in a relationship knows that it’s cheaper to be single. Hell, let’s even take relationships out of the equation, it’s cheaper not to date period. When you start to figure out how much it costs to do things for 2 people, the dollar signs start to add up and you really start to see how much (or how little) your dollar can actually stretch.
Being that I’m in a different place financially than I’ve been in a looong time, I find myself hesitant to get involved with anyone. That’s not the only source of my hesitation, but it does play a role. I feel as though I can’t bring as much to the table as I normally would, so rather than give only half of me, I’d rather wait until I was in a better place before getting involved again. I don’t want to feel as though I’m burdening someone with my financial limitations.
The weird thing is that I never felt like that when I dated someone with less than me. I’m not sure why I assume someone would feel that about me. Or maybe it has less to do with how they would feel and more about how I would feel.
How important are a person’s finances when you’re dating? Is this one of those times when a person should remain single?
Hmmm like you I’m not bothered by it once I have enough cash flow to cover us both when need be!!! But funny enough when the shoe is on the foot I tend to feel like i am a burden especially if it is a fairly new relationship! If such a situation arises when i am single i def do the single thing until things are better!!!
.-= Mellogyrl´s last blog ..“I suck” =-.
Limited finances definitely limits the cutesy surprises that lead to uber warm fuzzies…But the little things like cooking for someone or somone cooking for you can generate the same warm fuzzies…How about creating something with materials you already have? Also, art galleries are ideal
…A free event that can be quite enjoyable. Meager finances allow for the assessment of the true connection between two…It may not be easy or ideal but our convo + enjoying one another’s company should count for something…
Or my finances can be a reflection of a life transition…So, in that case, living single may be best for all parties involved…
I think that the opinion of expenses vary for people. Personally I get nervous when the lady I’m interested in starts to pay forever. I appreciate it but I want to feel like “I’m doing my share.” The girl I’m currently talking to isn’t steadily employed so I’ve been paying for more things but she feels inadequate about having me pay for everything. I think that it really depends on the person. If you find someone you are comfortable with I don’t think it should matter but you have to make that decision.
.-= LFlowers´s last blog ..HT said she can feel her fingernails growing and think I’m not normal because I can’t…. =-.
I agree with the lady above, I do get a bit uncomfortable with my girl pays for everything so I try and make it so that I can pay for things. I think it depends on the person…you can always do cheap fun things. Money shouldn’t be a major part when it comes to your heart…
.-= Bee´s last blog ..On The Ocean =-.
Finances aren’t an issue when I’m dating someone that I want to progress further with. It’s the relationship phase that can bring out money problems and the like, so during the dating phase you’re able to set parameters fairly early on if someone isn’t as financially stable as you or the reverse. Ultimately, if there is chemisty then nothing will stand in the way of finding suitable activities with little to no financial obligation required for enjoying the time together and growing the relationship.
.-= knowledge´s last blog ..Gone But Not Forgotten =-.
Hi, I am new to this site– and I love it so far.
To respond to the question, I don’t think a person’s finances are important when dating someone. There a many things to do that are free (walk in the park, lunch at the beach, etc) or very inexpensive; plus using creativity on a date is always a plus. As far as being single, I understand wanting to get yourself together before you put yourself back on the market, but honestly if the girl is right for you, the finances are such a small part of a good relationship.
Some people read gifts differently from others.
I read a book called The 5 Love Languages. I recommend at least a skim. Some people recieve love via quality time, others gifts, others acts of service, others physical touch and stil others through words of affirmation.
A person’s ability to spend time with me is valued over their ability to spend money to buy me gifts.
Having said that, there’s “not having extra money” and “not having any money” and for me, I don’t know that I could bear the financial weight of a dating relationship, solo and still be happy.
.-= ASmith´s last blog ..Hi. I’m Still Here…. =-.
I, too, have always been the big payer in any relationship, and it would bother me, too, not to at least be able to pay my way — and preferably HER way, also. Not only don’t I have much money any more, but I AM kind of tired of always being the big payer, and yet, like you, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable NOT being!
Unlike you, though, I’ve never been in a relationship in which I wasn’t, and I’ve seen YOU in ones in which you were the broke one, and I completely agree with you — it wasn’t good for you not being able to supply more, not even having a car, etc. I think your judgement in this is wise.
XX
where do i even start?
money shouldn’t matter, but it is cheaper to be single. it does take its toll when you are the one carrying everything. i want to be surprised with gifts and trips sometimes too, but my gf doesn’t have the money to do it. and while i would never trade that for being with her…it would be nice sometimes….
for me, it is tiring being the one to take care of everything. and i think my gf does her best and is sensitive about it…so its tiring to take care of everything and not be able to vent how i feel because i dont want to hurt her feelings.
we have four kids together, so its a hell of a lot of money for us to even goto the movies…
i would probably be hesitant to get involved with someone again who doesn’t have disposable income. that may sound bad, but i am a certain point where i realize that love doesn’t pay the bills and i want to travel and attend the theater and things like that. everything doesn’t cost money but some things do…and i would want my partner to be able to afford the things that do.
.-= Tami´s last blog ..Like Attracts Like =-.
I think it depends on the person. I was the sole provider in my last relationship for ten years and I loved it. My ex made a LOT less than me so I took care of everything. Bills, trips, everything. I never had a problem with her keeping her money. When things changed and we were no longer able to do as much as before, she bounced. Now I’m back to the financial status that I was before and of course she wants back in. Too late!! Now that I am single I can do as much or as little as I want with a person if I’m just dating. I would love to be in a relationship and take care of the other person, but anyone I get involved with now will have to contribute something.
It does take money to date, but i don’t think you should not date because you’re finances have shifted. I think when there is less money in the equation, it forces people to be more creative. Instead of going to the movies which can cost almost $50 for two people these days, how about buy a used DVD and watch it at home. There are several alternative ways to date when money is funny.
I don’t need to be or date anyone who has a lot of money, the only thing that I require when dating is that you can take care of yourself. If I offer to pay something, whether it be dinner or a bill, that is up to me, but I don’t wish for women to expect that nor do I expect that.
.-= Cherina´s last blog ..Interview with Tonex =-.